About Death and Dying
Death of a spouse, parent, children, other family members, friends, pets,
etc., is painful for most people.
Death is dealt with in two ways, one healthy the other not. The healthy
way is to go through the grieving or mourning process, the unhealthy way
is to bottle up the associated emotions without dealing with them. There
are five stages to the grieving process: denial, anger, bargaining,
depression, and acceptance. All five stages are experienced in the
mourning process, however, not everyone experiences the stages in the
same order. Men and women grieve differently, but go through the same
stages (See below for a brief explanation of this).
Unexpected or sudden death will have a different mourning process than
death from a long-term illness or old age. The biggest difference is going
through what is called anticipatory grief, which occurs in association with
knowing in advance that someone is going to pass away. This grieving
happens before the death, and then grieving occurs again in association
with the actual loss.
One thing to remember is that no one is totally prepared for someone to
die, up until the last moment of a person's life there is some hope that a
miracle will happen and they will live. Do not try to take this hope away
from those who will mourn the loss of a loved one as it is a natural part of
Our ancestors were wise to have a year long mourning period, the
bereaved were able to get through each 'first' without their loved one
before being expected to completely move on with life. They were
expected to wear black clothing that whole year as a reminder to others
that they were in mourning. It is notable that there were people who did
not need the whole time to accomplish their mourning, there were people
who did need that amount of time and no more, there were others who
found that the year was not long enough and required two or more years.
Self Help Books
of death and
Five Stages of
Grief each of
the five stages
Look in Laurie's
death of a loved
Our society today does not do this, our emotions are to be kept hidden from the public so
with others to make it lighter.
Men are thinkers while women are emotional - men process their grief by thinking about it,
women process their grief by expressing their emotions. Both are healthy ways to process
grief, just different. This difference is often the cause for marriages to tear apart after the
death of a child - due to not understanding this difference.
Because men don't express their emotions like women do, women perceive men as being
emotionless. Men, however, see their women's emotions as self inflicted pain, something
they need to help her with, and when they can't repair the void in their wives hearts they feel
they have failed.
The difference in grieving processes is due to the difference in language men and women
use. Men use power and control (self-control) words, women use emotion words to describe
the same things, and often neither understands the other. Each needs to accept the
differences in grieving and help each other go through the process in their own way.
The best explanation for this difference in grieving is the book: When Men Grieve, Why
Men Grieve Differently & How You Can Help, by Elizabeth Levang, Ph.D. ISBN-13:
Please note that neither the author, nor anyone affiliated with this website, will
bear any responsibility for anyone taking the information contained herein and
misusing it or attempting to claim it is professional advice. It is simply information,
how it is used is the responsibility of the reader.