Healthy social skills vs Abusive Tactics
Healthy (Non-violent) Social Skills
Used to promote equality and balance in a relationship
- Non-threatening behavior
- Respect
- Trust and support
- Honesty and accountability
- Shared responsibility
- Economic partnership
- Negotiation and fairness
Abusive tactics
Used for power and control
- using coercion and threats
Making or carrying out threats
Threatening to leave
Threating to harm themself if you leave
Threatening to hurt other family members or pets if you leave
Threatening to report you to police, child welfare, etc. to control you
Threatening to file false charges against you
Using threats to get you to drop charges
Threatening to expose a secret
- using emotional abuse
Putting you down
Making you feel bad about yourself
Calling you names
Implying that you are crazy
Playing mind games
Using guilt as a weapon of control
Using humiliation
- using intimidation
Making you afraid - looks, gestures, actions
Smashing things
Abusing pets
Displaying weapons
Threatening to expose a secret
- using economic abuse
- using children
Using the children to relay messages
Using visitation to harass you
Threatening to take the children
Threatening to harm the children
- using male privilege
Treating you like a servant
Making all decisions for the family or couple
Acting like an owner or master
Being the one to define and enforce roles
Expecting you to obey like a child
- using isolation
Controlling what you do
Controlling who you see or talk to
Limiting your outside involvement
Not letting you work
Not letting you receive an education
Using jealousy to justify actions against you
Destroying your support system
- minimizing, denying, and blaming
Making light of the abuse
Saying abusive behavior was not abusive
Shifting the responsibility for the behavior to you
- withholding or forcing sexual relations
Used to promote equality and balance in a relationship
- Non-threatening behavior
- Respect
- Trust and support
- Honesty and accountability
- Shared responsibility
- Economic partnership
- Negotiation and fairness
Abusive tactics
Used for power and control
- using coercion and threats
Making or carrying out threats
Threatening to leave
Threating to harm themself if you leave
Threatening to hurt other family members or pets if you leave
Threatening to report you to police, child welfare, etc. to control you
Threatening to file false charges against you
Using threats to get you to drop charges
Threatening to expose a secret
- using emotional abuse
Putting you down
Making you feel bad about yourself
Calling you names
Implying that you are crazy
Playing mind games
Using guilt as a weapon of control
Using humiliation
- using intimidation
Making you afraid - looks, gestures, actions
Smashing things
Abusing pets
Displaying weapons
Threatening to expose a secret
- using economic abuse
- using children
Using the children to relay messages
Using visitation to harass you
Threatening to take the children
Threatening to harm the children
- using male privilege
Treating you like a servant
Making all decisions for the family or couple
Acting like an owner or master
Being the one to define and enforce roles
Expecting you to obey like a child
- using isolation
Controlling what you do
Controlling who you see or talk to
Limiting your outside involvement
Not letting you work
Not letting you receive an education
Using jealousy to justify actions against you
Destroying your support system
- minimizing, denying, and blaming
Making light of the abuse
Saying abusive behavior was not abusive
Shifting the responsibility for the behavior to you
- withholding or forcing sexual relations